Relationship Coaching vs. Couples Therapy
Couples who are seeking to improve or transform their relationship often use a “hit or miss” or “trial and error” approach to finding the best professional to help them with their goals. I have been in the field for 38 years and I have seen my share of couples who have been through two to five rounds of couples therapy achieving very few, if any, results.
As I mentioned in a previous blog, How to Find the Right Couples Counselor, only one in ten therapists are truly qualified to provide quality marriage / couples counseling. For those many consumers who do not know this important fact, they have a 90 percent chance of choosing an unqualified couples’ counselor. I always feel sad when a couple who comes to see me has put so much effort into working on their marriage with such little result. I often tell them that they probably were caught in what I call the “talk therapy cycle.” This is when a couple meets with an unqualified “couples’ therapist” who helps them rehash what happened in the last week or recycles their last fight. These therapists are often described as “really nice” and “likable” by my clients. However, they are really just a “one trick pony” meaning that they only rely on being empathic, nurturing and neutral. As sweet as it is to be on the receiving end of this type of interpersonal energy, it is insufficient to create change and achieve results, which is what I do for my clients.
This is exactly why I am a strong proponent of helping consumers seeking marriage therapy or couples counseling to find the right helping professional. There are many very good, qualified relationship therapists from which to choose who have dedicated themselves to getting trained and certified in a certain model of couples therapy. To mention a few, they include EFT by Susan Johnson, PACT by Stan Tatkin, John Gottman’s research based approach, and my favorite, Relational Life Therapy (RLT) developed by Terry Real. When you are looking for relationship counseling, do a search for people in these different therapy realms. And, don’t be shy to ask about their credentials, years of experience, and qualifications to help you with what you need. It is unethical for a therapist to misrepresent themselves as being more than what they really are.
I would like to introduce you to another aspect to finding the best fit in a relationship therapist. As the mental health world has become more and more regulated by licensing boards and heavily influenced by insurance companies, many very good and seasoned therapists are retiring their licenses to become “coaches.” I happen to be one of these professionals. I went into the helping profession in 1982 as a psychologist to help people change and heal. Over the course of being licensed for 30 years, I was being identified as a “healthcare provider” by the licensing board and was expected to apply the “medical model” of diagnosing clients through the insurance companies.
I retired my psychology license in 2018 to dedicate my practice to “coaching” and in particular, to “relationship coaching.” By then, I had been certified as a Master Relational Life Therapist in Terry Real’s RLT model for over ten years. I love serving my clients without being shackled to the not so benevolent influences of licensing boards and insurance companies. It allows me to practice naturally with the highest of ethics and a deep level of competence. So, when you are seeking help with your relationship, I would encourage you to look into the relationship coaching world, but with a couple of caveats. First, look for the “coach” who has an advanced degree—at the master’s and/or doctoral level. In addition, look for someone who is certified in a particular brand of couple’s therapy. You should avoid those who have hung out their “coach” shingle without putting in the time or effort to advance their education or develop a competency in helping couples. Please know that the majority of these “coaches” will not serve you well.
I have included a description below that compares and contrasts the differences between relationship coaching and couple’s therapy. I believe that knowing about this relationship coaching world will give you even more options as you seek the help you need and want for improving and/or transforming your relationship.
THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN COACHING AND THERAPY
I hope you have found this article helpful. Stay tuned for my next blog which will describe how Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is radically different from other forms of therapy, including other brands of couple’s therapy. If you are interested in knowing more about my approach to helping couples and the services I offer.