How to Find the Right Couples Counselor
Where to start?
Many couples are searching for ways to improve and/or transform their relationships. They often want more closeness and connection than what they saw in their parents’ marriages. However, they lack the skill set or knowledge base to create what they are yearning for. So, couples find themselves seeking the right professional to help them achieve their relational goals.
What do couples need to know about this professional “marketplace?” First, they should know that only one in ten therapists are qualified to help couples according to the Zur Institute. Yet, many therapists will say they do couples counseling without having the specialized training to do so.
What to look for?
About 20 years ago, some brilliant, seasoned therapists began teaching other therapists like me how to be effective in helping couples change and get what they want from their relationships. Some of these “master therapists” include John Gottman, Stan Tatkin, Ellyn Bader, Sue Johnson, and Terry Real. They each developed rigorous, intensive certification programs that took about two years to complete. For example, I began my Master Certified Relational Life Therapy program in 2007 with Terry Real from Boston of RLT fame. This training changed my competency level in working with couples so significantly and I became so much more effective in helping them achieve the results they wanted.
Best Tips:
When it comes to finding the right fit for a relationship therapist, it’s always best to get a word-of-mouth referral from someone you know. However, this is not always possible. The following are tips for finding the right fit with a couple’s therapist:
1. It is recommended that you narrow your search to three marriage or couples’ therapists and that you ask for an initial brief phone chat with each. I recommend that both partners do this together or individually. The time investment is worth it—believe me.
2. The first question to ask is if they have specialized training in couples therapy and with whom did they do their training?
3. If they do, investigate that particular brand of couples therapy and see if it seems like a good fit for your relationship goals.
4. In addition, choosing an experienced therapist over a ‘rookie” will likely serve you best. A therapist is considered “seasoned” after working in for 10-12 years after they are licensed in their respective field. Beware of the therapist who does not list the year of completion of their advanced degree (masters or doctorate) or the year they became fully licensed on their website. It’s unethical not to disclose these facts to consumers.
5. When you chat with them, notice how you feel and if you like them or not, etc. Ask lots of questions about their qualifications, experience, areas of specialty in working with couples. You can collect a lot of information in a brief phone call and determine if it will be a poor fit or a great one.
6. Gather information on availability, scheduling, fees, location, and all of the practical things you need to know in order to proceed.
If you follow these tips, you should be on your way to finding a best fit for your couples counseling professional. Stay tuned for my next blog post about the differences between relationship counseling and relationship coaching. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog!